M.I.A.

Well..it’s been a loooooooooooooong time since I’ve updated this thing!!!! You ask why? Because it stopped being fun.  Lol  This weight loss journey hasn’t been fun at all honestly.  It’s been hard.  It’s been hard as all get out.  At first it was fun blogging about my new fun workouts with my new fun trainers and my new fun food…well honestly… I hate my workouts, I have a love/hate relationship with my trainers and I’m beyond sick of the food!!!!!!!  How’s that for ya?  It’s been a hard road. These last 3 weeks of what they have called “homestretch” have been really hard.  Do you realize how easy it is to cheat when I don’t have to weigh in in front of you guys or have a video of me posted either about to cry or jumping for joy?  I have to throw it out there..I’ve not lost a pound in 3 WEEKS!!!  You heard me right..not one pound.  I’ve worked out with my trainers like normal but it’s so easy to let things slip in my food when I know I don’t have to weigh in every week.  I know I’ve lost more inches..I can feel it in my clothes so I know that’s good but how much fun it would be to get on that scale and have lost 20 more lbs or heck 10 for that matter. About 3 weeks ago I got what they call the “burnout!”  I wanted to be done with everything..anything that involved thinking of food, thinking of working out and the scale.  I just wanted to avoid it all.  Unfortunately I couldn’t avoid my trainers lol!  They were still there regardless of what I did with my food or the scale.  No matter how I wished them away they wouldn’t go away.  I’m actually thankful for them. As much as they wear me out and I don’t like them on most days I couldn’t have done what I’ve done without them.  I would never push myself like they have pushed me.  Just 4 weeks ago when the new season of Biggest Loser came on the first challenge was to run a mile.  3 people had to run the mile and the first 2 that made it got on the show.  My heart sunk at the thought. I even said to my friend outloud..If I had to do that I would just walk away b/c there is no way that I can run a mile. I just couldn’t do it.  I never in my life imagined that I could run a mile. I never even wanted to honestly.  I just put that in the category in my life of “won’t ever do.”  But two weeks after I made that statement of I’ll never run a mile…I RAN A MILE!! About flipped out!!!  It was funny..I came in on a Saturday to workout with Sarah b/c I had missed on Friday and I went ahead and started and I just said to myself..I’m gonna jog a mile and I even argued with myself. Mandi you can’t run a mile…you just now started running a half mile and want to die…but I  went in there with the attitude of I am doing a mile and I did it. It wasn’t easy..but I did it. I swear this whole thing is a big mind game.  I never realized it until now. It is a mental game. The workouts, the eating, the challenge, the milestones. All my life I’ve had a mental block telling myself I can’t do this.  I can’t run. I can’t eat right. I can’t be healthy. I’m just a big girl and that’s all there is. I would love to be a thinner cuter person but I’m not made that way. That’s what I’ve told myself and I believed it.  On some days I still believe it until Sarah had me running at 7 mph.  Even as awful as it felt..I still did it. Grumbling, complaining, almost quitting right then and there..I still did it.  I’ve come so far even though I don’t feel it some days.  I have to admit I’m a little scared (BUT FAR MORE EXCITED) when this is over. I’ve got 10 days left..actually 9 ½ to be a matter a fact. I won’t have someone making me come to workout. I won’t have the accountability of weighing in and u seeing it.  That scares me. What is gonna make me wake up at 4:30 in the morning to go kill myself at the gym or what’s gonna make me go work out after work when I’ve worked all day and I don’t have a challenge to compete in?  Am I strong enough to do this on my own yet? I don’t want to gain the weight back I’ve lost. I don’t want to gain back the weight I’ve lost. I don’t want to go from running a mile to not being able to run again.  I don’t want to lose all the knowledge of food I have learned. Even though I’m still 260 something…I started this thing at basically 290 lbs…the feeling of evening getting to 266 is such an amazing feeling. Clothes being loser, feeling better about myself, and so, so much more. I’m scared to death to lose it all just b/c I would rather sleep a little longer or my dang tootin love for Blue Bell. I hate preparing food. I would be content for the rest of my life if I ate cereal every night for the rest of my life.  I would rather come home and watch my shows then go get on a treadmill. So what is it gonna take.  I know I love how I feel right now…but I don’t want to forget it. I still want to be held accountable.  I want to be healthy for life. Not for a challenge. I can’t say enough about how thankful I am for this challenge. I am thankful for my trainers, thankful for the opportunity to change and to learn a whole new way of life and I am SOOO SOOO SOOO thankful for the friendships I have made during this thing. Oh man..I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I am for these people. Had it not been for this challenge I would have NEVER known these folks existed! That makes me want to cry at the thought of that.  Such precious people! 

So it’s still not over. I’ve got 10 days left. Trying to get focused once again.  I had a goal for me set in mind and I am not sure I can reach it but I’m gonna do my best to get there just for myself. I know I didn’t win the challenge and I’m ok with that. I’ve won my life back and will continue to do so.  Wish me luck!!!       

In just 3 short weeks……..

Wow what a crazy week and last weekend it has been!!! Lots of good and not so good has happened! Let’s start with last weekend. First off on Friday Andrea (my roommate) came and worked out with me and Sarah at the gym.  Andreas a runner. She runs everywhere. It’s nothing for her to run 4 to 5 miles a day if not MORE. I call her crazy b/c that is NOTHING I would ever desire to do but she comes in all happy like she just won the lottery and it’s partly a little annoying lol.  I think it annoys me b/c I soooo don’t get excited after a workout. I normally hate the person who is training me and DESPISE them if they even make me jog, let alone come in real happy about it!  But she likes it.  So she had been hearing about all my awful workouts I had been telling her and thought it would be fun (told ya she’s crazy) and she came.  I think Sarah hurt her too, which in fact made me feel better!  Made me feel like I wasn’t the only that struggled to do it. If Andrea was hurting, then I knew I had EVERY right to cry in the shower after we get done in the mornings!! So I was satisfied! Hee Hee…

Saturday we went to Kri Chay’s bootcamp! He was having that week for free so Andrea came with me too. She is truly in hog heaven with all this working out (insert finger in mouth to gag).  Even after I got out of the car to this bootcamp I thought..what was I thinking. Who drives to Independence just to get hurt L  The only happy part about the whole thing was I got to see Ali (who is in this weight loss challenge and has become a wonderful friend to me) Sandy who was on last rounds challenge (who also has became a wonderful friend and such an encourager to me) and Angie who was on the last round and they are such cool people and it was exciting to put a face with a fb comment! Hee hee! It was pretty hard.  Had 8 stations.  4 on the outside and 4 on the side. You had to do each exercise for 45 sec and then race to the other one before the bell went off.  First one was planks which my (whole body still shakes at these), then the next station was side planks. At one point Kri came up to me and said Mandi raise your hips higher…I said THEY ARE UP…YOU JUST CAN’T SEE THEM..now go away!!! J…he may not have seen them raised but trust me they were. My hips are just larger than some (or most) and just because they don’t look off the ground does not necessarily mean that they aren’t.  3^rd station was bicycle sit ups (blah) and 4^th was the other side planks…double blah.. The inside 4 stations were awful kettle bells, lunges, tricep thingies.  Did you know he laughs at you if you bring under 10 lbs weights…I don’t own over 5 lb weights…so thankfully he had some to spare (wish he hadn’t off) He laughs at 10 lbs and makes you do 15 lbs… he’s in my new category of evil people.  It was a hard workout for sure but we did have fun talking.  That was from 8 to 9am.  I had to meet BTT at 11am…I text him and told him I would be there between 11:30 and noon b/c I needed to recoup and dry my bra’s out.  Big girls gotta double up.  I have 2 sport bra’s.  That’s not something us bigger girls have a lot of.  We buy food, not sports bra’s!  Thankfully we just did cardio and no weights, lunges, stairs, squats or anything else devilish like.  We did the arc trainer for an hour.  That thing is pretty awkward. It’s almost like an elliptical but your foot goes in the this thing and it’s almost like high knee raises…well whatever it was..my butt and the back of my legs burned like the dickens afterwards. I was sweating like a pig..there was really no reason to dry the bra’s out!! None at all.

Sunday was Title Boxing.  Andrea came again with me.. She was excited as usual. I knew what was coming so I wasn’t excited at all.  We went to Art’s class.  As we are wrapping our hands up..we were told that the class on Sunday’s was 1hr and a ½.  I said well gee that’s nice…glad YOUR class is that long, but MY class is still an hour!! I had to fit a nap in before church ya know. Priorities people!!! HellUr!!   As I have said before the thing that I don’t like about Title Boxing is the warm up..it’s the running around the rooms and around the bags.  It kills me.  I just despise jogging at all.  BUT this time..he had us running around BOTH rooms..never had we done that…or I should say I had NEVER done that…..and it wasn’t as bad as it had been.  I wasn’t huffing and puffing like I normally would. I was like WOW..I got this…and then we finished it off with lunges around both rooms and that was awful but I could still breathe! It’s amazing how much that has changed.  My tolerance.  I was pretty impressed!!!  Went to church after that…and knew I wanted to get another workout in before bed so Andrea was to the rescue again and we went and played softball for a bit, then kick ball for a bit and then soccer. Soccer is MUCH harder than I thought…panting up and down the field trying to kick a ball.  By the time I made it to the end to kick a goalie I was to pooped to care if the ball got in or not. I just kicked it..didn’t aim at all. I was just thankful I made it back and down alive.

Monday was my “last chance workout” with BTT…He worked me over good.  After work my plan was to go to Title but I honestly was SOOOOOOOOO pooped out from the weekend and everything all I had the energy to do was sleep.  I went home and was in bed by 6pm L..I was out!!! 

TUESDAY D-DAY!!

I knew I had worked my butt off. I knew I hadn’t cheated on my food but no matter what I had done..that scale wouldn’t budge.  I had had a 10.4 lb lost the first week, 7 lbs the 2^nd week.  Those weeks were almost worth the drive to Ottawa. For that scale to applaud you for all the hard work you had done the week prior. That it was all worth it. All the pain, all the stairs, sprints and more stairs! But this week no one was applauding.  Not me, not the scale. I knew when I went in there it wasn’t gonna be good.  My head was bowed before she even read the numbers.  When she said you have lost 1.4 lbs I just wanted to lay on the floor and cry.  I KNEW what I had done.  I knew how I was PHYSICALLY EXHAUSTED..b/c I had worked out so much.  I knew my trainers had pushed me so hard that week. I just couldn’t believe it.  I was disappointed in myself. All that was going on in my head was what could I have done different?  Could  I have seriously exercised more? Did I eat something wrong?  What in the world?  After seeing that I had to do a video concerning that week. Like I wanted to talk to anyone, let alone a camera about my week after I saw that.  All I could think of was…I was 1^st place last week and I’m going to 12^th place in a week. What will everyone think? Will they think I just laid around all week. That I didn’t do anything when I KNEW in my heart that I couldn’t have done one more thing. I got pretty choked up a couple times on the video (which comes out today by the way) and I’ll find out what place I am in. Not looking forward to any of it.  I know we have slow weeks. I knew the 2^nd week curse didn’t affect me..but it was the 3^rd week curse that punched me in the gut.  I had a rough day that day.  Pretty down.  I was just so tired. I knew I couldn’t work out that day. I needed a day of rest.  I wanted a day of no working and to be shut in from everyone but couldn’t.  I was pretty quiet all day and that night I didn’t do anything. I just laid around and that’s just what I needed! My trainers were so awesome. Bob and Sarah are just the best.  They totally encouraged me! Told me not to be so hard on myself and just said keep doing what I’m doing. They are just so great.

Wednesday had another great workout with BTT!!!  Encouraged me even more to not be down.

I got a text from Sarah that afternoon. Normally I don’t work out with them on Thursdays but someone had cancelled so she could see me that morning. I wasn’t thrilled lol…she said I have a fun cardio workout for you.  Me+Sarah+Cardio=does NOT equal fun.  I’m like who is she trying to kid.  I told her that she had to be nice to me Thursday morning or I would recruit someone else for her Friday morning beating she planned to give me. lol…well so Thursday morning I went…not wanting to of course. Her idea of fun is NOT my idea of fun so I could only imagine what she had in store. We started out walking on the treadmill which is normal and then she is like ok are you ready to jog? And as usual I say no, and as usual she speeds the treadmill up. I don’t even know why she asks. It’s not like she listens anyway!  Normally I go for 1 min sprints, maybe 1 min 30 secs tops…well..sometimes she gets to talking and in mid sentence I ask her…are you checking the time??? Lol I don’t want her to get all distracted and not be watching the clock b/c EVERY sec jogging is a sec that counts J…well after 1 min and 15 sec I’m still jogging so I thought ok…maybe I’m going for a min and 30…I keep going…I thought..ok I’m giving it til 2 min and I’m questioning her intentions here…and she goes..your jogging a quarter of a mile.  Ok…I have never done over 1 min 30 sec and she’s asking me to go a quarter?? Oh Lord…I knew this was a bad idea!!!  But I just kept my eyes forward and concentrated on my breathing and all of a sudden I was done. I was so happy! I thought this is the coolest thing ever. I’ve never done that much and look at me go…so we started walking again…and then the same stupid question…are you ready?, no, treadmill speeds up…etc…and another quarter of a mile we go. I was feeling pretty darn tootin good about myself!! I ain’t believing I did it twice.  So we walk some more. As we are walking..she speeds it up and I’m thinking..oh Lord a 3^rd time here we go….and Sarah said well I waited until you started jogging before I told you but your fixing to jog a half mile!! I GO WHAT??? Actually I pant WHAT?? I said Sarah I can’t do it and she said, if you can’t then that’s ok, but I know you can..so keep going!! AND GUESS WHAT??? I DID IT!! I JOGGED A ½ MILE AND 2 QUARTER MILES TWICE!!!  I ABOUT CRIED!! I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT!! I never thought I would be able to do that and I did it…and it’s only week 3!!!! AHHHHH to be continued………

I DON’T DO SPRINTS OR STAIRS has been added to my list of “I don’t do’s!!”

Oh mercy….so where do I begin….where did I leave off? I think it was Friday. 

I honestly am not sure what I did Friday night. Is that sad? Too many things happened, to many workout got mixed up J OH BUT WHAT I DO REMEMBER…..

I did have my first ( I feel like I’m stuffed, full, bloated feeling that I miss so much lol). Finally a meal that I absolutely loved and didn’t just eat out of obligation. I fixed hamburgers. Lean meat of course.  Lite ceasar salad and I got frozen yellow squash from the freezer and sautéed them in I can’t believe it’s not butter and  brown sugar splenda and I thought I was gonna slap somebody b/c it was SOOOO good!! My first meal that I thought I was living my old life, the old way of eating…oh how much fun and I didn’t even gain weight from it. What a bonus J I think that’s all I did after work. I didn’t work out that night even. Someone shoot me J

Saturday: Walked 45 min of hills on the Dreadmill and then went to Zumba !!! I so love Zumba. Had super fun, burnt tons of calories and it didn’t even feel like I was working out. I was shakin my booTAY!  Then I took a LOOONNNGGG nap and I think I was a bum the rest of the day too!! Oh my..I’m seeing a trend here J 

Sunday was super fun.  Sunday I went down to Butler, where I am from, and walked with my friend Sandy. Let me tell you about Sandy.  I really didn’t even know Sandy very well until my friend Anissa was telling me about a friend of hers who had lost a bunch of weight on Weight Watchers and was always looking for a walking partner. Well since I had been on a diet since I was 12, Anissa obviously knew I would just LOVE a walking partner and gave Sandy my e mail address and after months of pestering I finally caved in.  Well that’s how I got to know her. It was over miles of walking and talking and now she’s one of my BESTEST friends in the world and would be lost without her. However, her constantly calling and asking to walk got on my nerves. I would fake sick, make myself sick, have “random” plans and such as just to get out of walking.  Her new name became Sgt. Sandy.  One of the things I looked forward to when I moved from Butler was not having to walk all the flippin time J and now I’d give my right arm if she lived so close to pester me to walk after work L (well almost..maybe just a finger.)  So anyway back to my Butler story…since I was coming back to Butler and hadn’t saw her for a bit so I told her I would come down there and I OFFERED to walk. Can u believe it. I TOLD HER we were walking. And walk we did. I had to tell her to slow her roll with her long legs a couple of times. I was huffin & puffin. But 4.4 miles later we had caught up on all our stories and lost lots of calories. Moral of the story…don’t move to Butler unless you want to be recruited to walk with her lol and it’s always better to have a workout partner. It makes it easier when you have someone to chat with or CALL AND PESTER you to show up!! Hee hee! Love you Sandra Dawn!

Then Sunday night rolls around and I was trying to think of something fun to do to workout outside.  So a friend of mine had softball equipment so my bright idea was that if I pitch the ball to you, you hit the ball, I run after the ball and then try to tag you out at first then that would equal fun times and calories lost. Well me and Erin probably laughed lots of calories away. It was super fun and made my Sunday night exercise not so boring.   

I had my “last chance workout” with BTT on Monday morning. It was a great workout.  I was nervous about my weigh in on Tuesday morning. I had only lost 3-4 lbs that whole week so I was praying that over night I had dropped more.  So Monday night I went to Title Boxing.  That stuff ain’t no joke. It is sooo hard!!!  I have had a membership there for a while and went at first but it just kept getting so hard that I dreaded it and I wouldn’t go. That’s why I fell in love with Zumba…b/c I couldn’t wait to do it but with Title it’s not something I look forward to doing.  I do like the results though. 

Tuesday I had another great weigh in. I’m so thankful.  The 2^nd week is the hardest. At least that’s what they say on The Biggest Loser. They have the 2^nd week curse that I thought I was gonna have and thankfully it didn’t hit to bad. Now I’m hoping I don’t have the 3 week curse lol.  I had had one of my Mandi thoughts to where when these 9 weeks are over that I was gonna cut my hair, color it and change my name and reenter so I could be in it again! Hee hee..but after this mornings workout I spit on that thought!!! Dear Lord above.  Sarah killed me.  I have one more thing to add to my “I don’t do” list. It’s sprints! I hate them.  I don’t do them.  Well I should say now..I hadn’t done them before.  My normal jog (and yes it’s slow) but it was 4.2mph. That was my “I feel comfortable jog.” I could do “that” jog for a WHOLE minute at a time w/o having to repent in the middle of my run b/c if I died I want to make sure my hearts right with the Lord.  The sprints I did this morning was about as close to death as I have ever been.  SHE MADE ME GO 5.5MPH!! Have you seen me? No seriously, have you seen me?  Do I LOOK like I can go 5.5 mph for 30 secs at a time.  My lips and other things were blowing back up in my face.  I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t even muster out “Lord forgive me of my sins if I die” whisper to Jesus.  I think we did this a total of 9 times…9 times way to many.  I seriously thought Lord I’m coming home.  She wasn’t done yet. Sarah LOVES those dad tootin stairs. Actually she likes to watch ME do the stairs.  I have no idea how many of those I did, 2 at a time no less… with her saying..Don’t put your hands on your legs!!!  She’s always hollering commands. Suck your stomach in, keep your back straight, take your hands off the treadmill, stop putting your hands on your legs, get up, put your butt down, I know you hate me, put your shoulders down…etc…those are just a few!!! And she wonders….

So needless to say..I had a little cry in the shower and in my car before work. Tears of exhaustion and tears of did I just do that.  The girl who doesn’t look like she can, who didn’t think she could. I just did that.  I’ve been pretty mellow today. Kinda quiet.  I usually am after something like that. 

Did I tell you I have lost 20 lbs in two weeks? Those scrubs (that were in the top 5 things of I can’t wait list at the beginning of this challenge) that were cutting off my circulation aren’t cutting it off anymore and the ones I hadn’t even been able to fit in for months slid on this morning and are loose???  It is super exciting.  It’s not been easy. I have 7 weeks to go.  I am being pushed beyond my limits of comfort. Way beyond if you ask me. Don’t ask Sarah.  I’m praying for another good week!  I’m pushing myself farther than I ever thought I could go. It’s truly amazing what you can do even when you think you can’t.  I wanted to give up this morning but even just sitting here reading all the good things I just wrote actually just pushed me again.  Not enough to be happy about going to Title Boxing tonight…but nonetheless it pushed me! Encouraged me.  Maybe that’s why I blog.  Maybe it’s not for you guys to read but for me to be reminded of why I am here in the first place and that I CAN DO THIS. I WILL DO THIS!  WE WILL DO THIS!!!! 

Smooches xoxo

p.s. I also forgot to tell you guys at my niece Ciara's b-day party..they all had CAKE...I had yogurt and Kashi...can u believe I did that? Wasn't even tempted and I LOVE CAKE..actually I love ICING!! I wanna roll in it and I passed it up!! Man what a difference 2 weeks can make!!!!  lol

Thank you Jesus for the weekend!!!

I’m not sure how the other challengers feel but I think today has been my day of “Let’s crawl in a fetal position and cry day!” lol I just think the exhaustion is getting to me. The heavy duty working out is catching up and I wanna cry and sleep!!! Haaa!!

Last night I got to ZUMBA BABY!!! LOVE IT!!! Your gonna kill me when I say this but it was ALMOST to Hip Hop.. I know..I said it..can you believe it? It’s just that I realize more how much I CAN’T dance in this class. I was lost so many times. Turned when I wasn’t supposed to, didn’t turn when I was supposed to. Stepped up when I was supposed to step down, shook my thang in the wrong direction and did the Stanky leg allll wrong lol!! But if any of you have seen my booty..then you would know that I have NO control over it!! Lol But it’s super fun and I will learn the moves and then be a professional Zumba dancer and I will show the world!!!!!

So this morning I worked out with Sarah. Remember I had you pray for rain. Well one of you didn’t pray? Who was it????? But thankfully the Lord is still so good to me b/c the moisture outside kept her from making me go outside!!! I’m not sure which was worse though. This morning I wasn’t feeling it. I was 5 minutes late and I had to do 5 push ups when I first got there for my punishment! RUDE!!! Hee Hee..I deserved it. We did mainly arms today. We did jumping jacks with a bar above my head and over the surround sound speakers you heard “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.” They kept falling down. I wouldn’t say b/c I’ve lost weight…it’s just with a big booty and a gut if you jump up and down for to awful long, with all that weight hitting your pants at one time, SOMETHING is bound to fall!!! We did burpee’s…that’s more of stuff I should have put on the list of “I don’t do’s”….and again…things flappin in the wind. I’m like please don’t make me do this in front of the guys. Luckily they had all walked away. We did a whole bunch of stuff and in between sets we jogged around the track. So I got a great workout in. I felt dog tired afterwards so I thought maybe since my muscles are so tense that I would take a little peakster in the Sauna.

I opened the door to the sauna and I couldn’t see a thing nor could I breathe but I knew it would be good for me so I stood for a sec with one hand on the door until I was for sure I wasn’t gonna pass out lol Well I still couldn’t see anything but I could see enough of the floor to realize there was a bench over in the corner to sit on so I slowly (still trying to breathe) walked over there and sat down. I was trying to talk my way thru this..be all like this feels nice, I can breathe, my skin will look flawless, I might drop a couple pounds etc…I was breathing in and out pretty heavily to try to remove the steam from swallowing my breath when all of a sudden out of my peripheral vision I saw something move and I turned and then took a double take and there was a naked lady laying on the bench beside me!! Scare the pee waddlins out of me! I could have sat on her!!! Never saw her. I COULDN’T SEE A THING!! What a story she could have told today but now what I story I can tell today. I am very jumpy so thinking I saw something moved creeped me out enough and then to see a naked lady laying there just topped it off and so I took out of there!! I was like geez!!!

So today at noon our weights were posted and our videos!!! I just got to watch mine. I make some funny faces. Geez!  I was so happy that I lost 10.4 lbs. Couldn’t believe it actually. Got 3rd place. I have 8 weeks to get stronger and hit it harder. This weekend in between workouts I’m going to sleep!! I am sooo excited to sleep! I need it so bad!!!

Doing Zumba as one of my workouts tomorrow! Yipee do da!!! Looking forward to getting some rest and praying I drop some more weight this weekend before the weigh in on Tuesday!!

I’m actually craving a ceasar salad right now!! Yum…that’s better than a twinkie I suppose…Oh Lord I love twinkies and hot chocolate pudding poured over them!!! Oh my oh my!!! WHY DID I BRING UP TWINKIES??????????????????????? 

"BAM" Revelation and prayers for rain :)

So I’m gonna be honest. This whole “competition” thing is wiggin me out. At first I was like I’m gonna win this. Then it went to we are all winners. We are all getting trainers, a gym membership for the 9 weeks and the support from all my friends and new found friends from the challenge so who cares who wins really. We all lose weight etc….. THEN knowing they are posting the weight loss numbers on www.kcfitmag.com tomorrow makes me anxious. I know I had a good weight loss, but they don’t go by weight loss, they go by weight loss %PERCENTAGE%. So that makes the game totally different ya know? I am not a competitive person by nature. Don’t have a competitive bone in my body. I know some people in this challenge have even said jokingly or not so jokingly lol that they were going to beat me bad and I replied with I hope you do. I hope you lose so much weight. I say that b/c I KNOW the struggle, I know the frustration of your pants getting tight or not fitting at all. I know the sadness of looking at your skinny friends wearing cute clothes. I know what it feels like to be the “your have such a beautiful face, if only..girl). So in my heart I was like I don’t care who wins. I want all of us to be better, look better, feel better for not just this 9 weeks, but for the rest of our lifetime. BUT…the anxiousness of seeing the results is about to drive me batty (even more batty). I know regardless of who it is in front of me it’s gonna be a twinge of “ugh”. Not because I don’t like them..but I have met the GREATEST folks thru this. So super thankful, but b/c you know how hard YOU worked, you know how much you went WITHOUT to reach such a big weight loss you can’t help feel a little disappointment. I hope it pushes me, but I don’t want to get wrapped up in the competition. That’s just not me. I know people say use it to drive you and I’m sure it will but I don’t like how I feel with that spirit.

I posted on my Facebook page last night that I realized how hard this competition is gonna be and I had so many sweet people encourage me and strengthen my “poopout o meter.”  Such great folks I tell ya!

Then me and Erin walked 4 miles last night. I’m always fine until the 3rd mile and then I think the fun is over and I’m done playing. Luckily it was further to turn around and go back then to just keep trucking home  I didn’t go to bed til around 11:30pm and then I got up at 4am this morning to workout again. AHHHH I eat, workout, sleep, workout, eat, sleep, workout again. I’m not gonna lie, it gets old but I am LOVING the results. I never realized how super cool elevators were until I stopped taking them and climbing stairs. When I pass them every morning I can almost hear them say “Mandi come take a ride. There are mirrors in here. You can check your hair. You can relax while we take you up the floors.” Blah blah blah and I walk past them and begrudgingly go to the stairs. BUT this morning..I still huffed and puffed up them..but NOT as much. I’ve only been doing this for 9 days and I can tell a difference in my huff and puff!! How cool is that. It’s the little achievements ya know!! 

I had e-mailed my trainers this morning asking them who was gonna come over and stretch me b/c I hurt so bad and was whining on how I was discouraged blah blah..and they were both so wonderful in there responses. I AM SO BLESSED with my trainers. I think God hand picked them Himself!!! This was one of their responses…Mandi, One thing you must remember, is that all you can worry about is yourself. If you worry about yourself you'll do great. Compete with yourself first off. I want you to win the game of weight loss more than I want you to win the contest. The thing that would bother me most of all would be if you are in the challenge again next year. DO THE BEST YOU CAN DO!

Is that not awesome!! It was like BAM when he said “I want you to win the game of weight loss more than I want you to win the contest.” What am I in this for? Why did I put my weight out there for everyone to see? To win a contest or to win my LIFE back? Not to win 9 weeks of my life back. This is forever. Sure how much fun would this be to win!! I’m still gonna give 150%. But if I don’t learn the right methods NOW, I AM gonna be in this contest next year!! I don’t wanna be. I DON’T WANNA BE!!! I’ve heard there are people from all rounds of this Weight Loss Challenge that have gained some of their weight back already if not all of it. I don’t want that to be me. I have yo-yo’d all my life. I’m done with the yo yo. I want my life back, not just 9 weeks of it!!!!

So this morning for my workout, (Erin came again!!! Yahoo for Erin), I did a walk/jog on the treadmill for an hour. I jogged 1 min, walked 3 min, jogged 1, walked 3 etc for the whole hour. To some that is nothing to me it’s hUrge! I’m a big girl. Remember…289 lbs last time you heard  that’s a whole lotta something to be shakin on a treadmill. Lol I’ve never been able to walk/jog that long. That’s a big accomplishment for me. I did 3 ½ miles. I’m happy. I guess I did over a 5k and I didn’t even know it. I’ve walked it before but not walked/jogged it.

Tonight is Zumba!!!! It’s a Hip Hop Zumba so you know I’m super excited to shake my thang!!!! And then this sister is going to bed. I haven’t been getting enough sleep for what this challenge demands..so tonight it’s peace out folks!!!!

I meet with Sarah Friday morning at 6am. She told me that if the weather is nice we are working out outside. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO BE WITH HER OUTSIDE!!! God only knows what she’s gonna force me into, so I’m asking you nice lovely people to help me pray for rain! Just from 6am-7am. I know God is able!!! HEE HEE!!!!

Day 8…If I do one more plank……

As most of you know I don’t speed. I feel out of control going 65 mph in a 70mph zone. I make turns like I’m driving a diesel praying no one is in my way. I’m a granny undercover. But today I over slept a tad bit. I didn’t get my coffee time (which I should have known it wasn’t going to be a good day), so I was racing to the gym. I had an appointment with Sarah at 6am..oh sweet Sarah…NOT!!!!!!!!!! I was speeding. I was at least going 72 mph with both hands on the wheel racing to get in the gym on time. As I sat there and sped to work I thought how funny is this. What if I got pulled over and they asked me where I was heading in such a hurry and I would have to say the gym. By the looks of me, he wouldn’t believe me and I would have to laugh. Me?? I’m racing to the gym? I’m going over the speed limit to be on time for my morning beating?? Something is sick and twisted about that..but I had to laugh. There’s a first time for everything I guess! Lol

Boy..I had no idea what was coming. I was mutilated on the Prairie Life gym floor. I have no strength in my legs. NONE! Ask me to punch someone and I’ll punch em hard, ask me to kick someone and they are free to roam the earth. I don’t do squats, I don’t do lunges, I don’t lift my legs and do arm weights, I don’t jump AND squat, I don’t do jumping jacks in a push up position (whoever thought of this one needs to be shot) I don’t do wall sits and I SHO DO NOT DO PLANKS!!! This is a list I should have given when I walked in the gym. This is what I don’t do, now do whatever else you have in store. I wanted to give up today more than I ever have. Bob worked mainly my arms so good and I’m super sore from the other day but this whole leg workout thing has GOT TO QUIT. At one point I asked my trainer if she wanted to fry a pancake on my leg b/c they were so hot I’m sure I could have served the whole gym well done pancakes. I seriously could feel the heat coming from them. It was awful. Do you know what a plank is? It’s the devil. You get on your forearms and put your legs out like a push up position and hold. That sounds easy until some is saying “Put your butt down, hold your stomach in, oh and breathe.” I’m like your telling too many things at once Sarah.  My whole body was shaking..basically thru the whole thing. I couldn’t even pin point what was shaking b/c it was just basically everything. I was done when it was over. I was done 15 min thru but I was seriously done at 7am…Walking down the stairs to get to the shower was a task in itself!

I’m not one of those people who can work out and feel super excited and in a good mood for the rest of the day. If I’m worked out hard..i am a bit “moody”or “quiet” the rest of the day. It poops me out. I’m not at the point where I have the high of working out and it’s just super cool. I don’t really look forward to it. I like the results of course but I’m not crazy about it. I love that my scrubs are looser already. I love that I’m getting stronger but I don’t like what causes all that. I suppose I’ll have to work on that to make this a life style change. Lol… until it has became a habit and I’m just ecstatic to go get beat upon..I will go and give dirty looks and then hug them later when the scale says good things!!!

I’m tired today..so I’m gonna go home and nap, then get up and work out and go back to bed. I’m super excited about that actually. Not the workout…the nap!

One last thought… Do you know ALL that shakes and jiggles when you do a jump squat? It’s not pretty folks!

The Holiday, blisters, cold waters and the eat and run :)

So the holiday weekend begins….


I was so excited for the 3 day weekend for obvious reasons. I have to admit a little scared of the 3 day weekend too. Scared of the festivities involved, the food, getting off schedule, etc…

Friday night I decided my workout for the evening would be Hip Hop Abs. I obviously was craving some good dancing b/c I was looking for it everywhere!!! Love Hip Hop Abs…love Sean T. If I could just have him teach a Zumba class close to my house I know I would be a size 10 by next month!!! 

Saturday morning I woke up at 5am and had plans to go to the gym with my friend Erin. Well we got up and went down to my apartment gym and it was CLOSED. Now normally that would have been a great segway toa nap but instead we thought it’s nice out..lets just walk outside. Because of blisters I could only do one mile but we did at least something…but at 10am I got to go to ZUMBA!!! Well in between walking a mile and Zumba I had only at a banana and a muscle milk. They say eat every 2 hours for a reason. My blood sugar got so low I couldn’t stop shaking! It was awful. I was weak, didn’t feel good and couldn’t eat quickly enough. Thankfully I had enough good things to grab quickly or it would have been straight to isle 12 at Price Chopper for you know what.

Saturday was also shoe shopping day!!! With all the exercise I had been doing..I was developing blisters and my feet were aching like crazy. I had been hearing everyone talk about Garry Gribbles (sp?) (I’ve called it Jerry Girbles, Gary Girlbles…so who knows what it is. It’s a place they measure feet is all I know!) Does anyone get excited like I do about getting measured for those things? (not hip measuring) I actually like stuff like that. To actually know what you are for sure instead of guessing. It’s like the personality tests..I could tell you (as well as you could tell me) that I am Sanguine. I am outgoing, I love to talk, doesn’t meet a stranger, gets distracted VERY easily etc…but I just love taking the tests. I love going to a therapist and them tell me I’m a fruit loop…well duh…I knew that already but it’s always affirming when someone else can conquer with what I already know. I want to say I wear a size 8 shoe b/c I am measured and therefore I know. Although sad to say I don’t wear a size 8  that’s almost like saying I wear a size 5 jeans. What I thought I wore was an 11. Yes I said 11. Yes I have big feet. I have hUrge feet. I was built on a solid foundation. I will not sink if a flood comes. BUT Bro. Gribbles measured me at a size 12.5. Who wears size 12.5? That was about as bad as my I WEIGH 289 LBS COME AND LOOK AT MY PICTURE PEOPLE moment!!! As if I don’t have enough to be embarrassed about lol. I’m a big girl. I have big hands. Thankfully the Lord has blessed me to play the piano half way decent so I take that one as an advantage, but feet.. seriously. I wonder if I called Louis Vuitton and asked for a pair of stilettos in a size 12.5 would they laugh?? So I now know why I have feet problems. Why my feet ache and if I am exercising really hard for months at a time that my 2nd toe bruises really bad and I end up losing up my toe nail. (GROSS I KNOW) Well they didn’t even have a 12.5 in women so Bro. Gribbles hooked me up with a man shoe. So I wear a size 11 D..IN MEN!!! I am pretty sure I heard it on the intercom. This girl..MANDI MILLER IN THE BLUE SHIRT STANDING RIGHT BESIDE ME WEIGHS 289 LBS AND SHE WEARS A SIZE 11 D IN MEN!!!! I swear I heard it!!!! The only happy news in this is that I for sure know that I wear a size 11 D! I won’t ask that question again. Hee hee….Did you guys know that men shoes have a higher heal on them and it gives you blisters?? I do I do?

Sunday was supposed to be my off day. No exercise. Rest. Nothing. Sleep. I was so looking forward to Sunday to rest. I was tired of exercising but I felt bad doing nothing so me and my friend Erin and Kelly took off for a 4 mile walk. Now for your average person 4 miles is just a walk in the park, but for a big girl…4 miles is a lot. 2 miles is a good walk. 3 miles is pushing it but 4 is to long of a walk lol!! At the 3rd I wanted to give up but I was already to far from home to turn back around..I was closer to getting there than turning around! So I made it and was glad I did it. Then the rest of Sunday was church and rest! 

Monday was the holiday.
I met with BTT at 10am. Had an awesome workout. Learned I have no balance. I felt great at the end of that workout. Felt like I accomplished a lot. Finished up with that on the elliptical and went home and took a nap! My favorite thing to do! Later I had to go to a BBQ with some church friends. I almost didn’t go. I was actually scared. I didn’t want to be around the desserts especially with the run in I had last week with the sheet cake. I didn’t want to put myself in a place of torment lol. I have a hard enough time sitting at home with no bad food in there let alone a table full of sweet goodness at my finger tips!!! But I did it. I managed. I ate my lean beef and called it good and left. I showed my face, I ate and ran!!! Hee hee!!! I had two more workouts to get in. I went to my apartment gym and walked/jogged. Felt great. Then my bright idea next was to workout in the pool. Lesson #1 Even though it may feel 100 degrees outside doesn’t mean the water is 100 degrees. Good God was it freezing!!! Seriously freezing. Almost unbearable but once I got to moving real good the water felt nice. I was a fish. I kicked, punched, puckered, swam, doggie paddled, bicycled and just floated. By the end of the workout it was getting pretty nippy outside and I was freezing once again as I floated for fun. I looked up in the sky pretended I was Rose (off the Titanic) and whistled for help. I even said I’ll never let go Jack, I’ll never let go…nothing happened so I figured that was my clue to get out of the pool! Lol

I was pretty weak by the end of that evening. I slept SOOOOOO good!!!!

Tuesday weigh in day…

I was nervous. I was asking myself did I do enough? Did I eat the right things? Did the sheet cake totally screw me over? Am I gonna reach my own personal goal? Am I gonna let the people down that voted me in? I was in a bad mood right from the get go. I wasn’t whistling Dixie this morning at 4am. I was mad at myself thinking I hadn’t reached it. So I drove to Ottawa in deep thought. Replaying everything over and over.



So I get there and she she says…She’s gonna say this is week one weigh in and Mandi weighs 288.6 and after one week she weighs ???.? I can’t tell you!!! Lol I know it’s killing you but I cried and screamed. My usual when I’m extremely happy. I couldn’t believe it. I am super thankful for the weight I’ve lost but I still have 8 weeks to go! A long 8 weeks. You know how on The Biggest Loser goes…2nd week is the hardest. So I’m just gonna give it 150% again. I don’t think I worked out enough this past week so I’m gonna do my best to go a little longer each time. Give a little more than I did last week!



Sorry this is so long..I didn’t update over the holiday!! I’ll do better I promise!



Journey week #2….oh what shall it bring!!!!